Family Matters - Finding the Blessing in the Most Challenging of Times

When hard times arise (and they will) you can easily get lost in the worry, angst, and fear. However, if you look hard and a little deeper, you'll uncover a gift waiting to be opened. In this episode I will share how one serious massive surgery changed my relationship with my parents forever.

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Transcript

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Most people spend their entire life trust without ever given a single thought. And so what is this level of one? And what's important? Can I make you yourself and the life that you have to live? I think it's probably a couple of jobs. I hate it. One line. And what if expressing that love actually had a bigger impact than just a few words you were exchanging, but actually changed your relationship, changed the way that special person approached their day, changed their outlook on life, as well as how they showed up in the world. Said differently, the the amount of impact you would have would be exponential. Would it be worth expressing that love? A couple years back, I had one of the biggest scares of my entire life. My father was told that he needed to go in for an open heart surgery. He needed, he had a leaky mitral valve, and that he needed to have a procedure done. There were many procedures that doctors were putting on the table. But there was one, the open heart, that many of the doctors advise against, but there was one that had a doctor who had the confidence that he could successfully pull off this operation. I remember the night or nights leading up to his surgery. I remember laying, I was laying on the couch with my father, holding his hand. And inside I was trembling. I was trying to fight back the tears, trying to hold in so this way he didn't see what was going on inside, which was extremely difficult for me to do because I'm uh I tend to well up fairly easy. In my mind, I was thinking, well, what would life be like without my father? I'd never at once considered that thought before. But now I was faced with that reality. And then aside from that, there was all the things that were beyond my control. Looking at the doctors, what they were saying, his chances of success were in this. Some doctors were extremely confident, other ones were extremely pessimistic. So I had all these things welling up in my mind, and I didn't know how to process them. And more than anything, the one thing I didn't want to do was let leave words left unsaid. Said differently, I wanted to tell my father that I loved him. We didn't say, oh, I love you. If we did, it was kind of like uh, oh, love you bye. And it was a, we didn't take the time to be present in those words and to allow each other, like the person who's saying it as well as the person who's receiving it to feel them. I did that that night before the surgery, I told him I I I loved him. As I said these words, tears were pouring down my face. I prayed, I said to God, just let me know that it's gonna be okay. Let me know that it's gonna be okay. And that that very same night, I remember feeling this calmness come over me. And I couldn't express, I didn't even know why. Going into the surgery, my father had asked for me to accompany him. They allow one family member to go into the pre-op room, and then they tell you a bunch of stuff. I have no freaking clue what they said, because I I was just, I wasn't in that state, and then I was sitting there holding my father's hand. Again, trying to fight back tears because I didn't want him to know what I was feeling inside, but not just, it wasn't just fear, it was also gratitude and love and fear of losing the person I love the most. And like I said before, I am horrible at holding those feelings back, so the floodgates opened. Thankfully, he had they had to give him something, you know, like uh to for him to go through with it because he was fearing fearful. And now he's in surgery. The time seemed to go like the time was going in slow motion, the minutes seemed like hours until we got the final call to go into the room. I struggled with it because I remember when my mother had had her surgery, and one of the scariest images I had seen was her coming out of the sedation, not knowing where she was. So I had this trauma in my in my mind from seeing my mother go through the same thing. And just seeing them, seeing your parents, like the people who were you always see as being in this position of power, who were always there to love and support you, to be so vulnerable. But I knew that I needed to go and knew that I needed to muster up the courage to do so. So I was believe I was the first with one of my siblings to go up there, me and my sister. And we go into the room, and we're just like, okay, one, two, three, we go into the room and we see my father there. And he looks absolutely amazing. And again, all of a sudden the floodgates started open, and I just started to cry. It was almost the equivalent of what I would imagine, or when you are going to the airport, remember those days in the movies where you would see someone, you know, you know, like they're coming in from the airport, and the people who were receiving them on the at the departure at the arrival gate hadn't seen them in years. You know, then they walk through that department gate, they're holding up signs, they're jumping, they're cheering, they're crying, they're embracing hugs. That is how I felt. I felt like I'd seen someone that I hadn't seen in years, and I was just so felt so grateful, so blessed, so lucky to have them in my life for yet another day. The lessons here are really don't waste a single moment without letting the people you love know that you love them. And also never think that there's always time because not a single one of us knows when our time is up. And as a result, the only thing we can do is live in this moment right here. Through this entire experience. One of the most beautiful gifts that I came away with after looking at this entire experience and and really trying to make sense of everything. Like all the stress, all the fears, even going forward, now all of a sudden, like it was the fear of mortality in my mind. But then looked at what was beautiful. One was that I I still had my father. And then the second thing that I found to be so beautiful was that as he was going in for that surgery, when he was in surgery, all of the memories flooded my head. I thought about all the sacrifices my father had made, all the energy he poured into teaching me, to being there when I was sick, and just how great that sacrifice was and how much I loved him because of that sacrifice. You know, it's not it's not what you do, it's the it's or what you give somebody, but it's the energy, the presence you give somebody, and no one gave me more of that than him. And realizing that it made me just want to hug and embrace him every single day that I have them in my life, and as a result of that, now I do. So I have some questions I want for you. So think about who is who are those most important people in your life? And when was the last time you told them you love them? You don't have to drive over if you're driving, pull over and just write this down. Or if you're not gonna just pull over, make a mental note of it. And then the next question I want you to ask yourself is if you knew that you only had one day left with this person, what would you want to tell them? What would you want them to know? Now you might be hearing these words, you'd be like, well, that's easy for you to say. You have a great family life, that's easy for you. Like you have a family, it's easy for you. Um what if you don't speak to your family? What if your family life's complete shit? What if you have resentment for them? I get it that it could be hard. I get that not every family is pitcher perfect, and neither is mine. But it reminds it reminds me of something that I'd heard from one of my mentors. He goes, You are the way you are because they weren't who you needed them to be. Or I'm messing up the quote, the quote I'll say the quote slightly differently. You are the way you are because those are the parents you needed you needed to have, meaning there was a lesson there for you to pick up. And everything you are right now, all the gifts, all the blessings in your life is because they weren't who you wanted them to be, but they are who you needed them to be. So when you reflect on that, now you're able to shine a light of compassion and gratitude for those people who brought you into the world. Now, what if you're saying, well, you know what, but I don't know who my parents was, but you had someone who cared for you. Maybe it was a grandmother. Maybe it was a family friend. The same thing applies. So, in closing, I have one action for you to do, one action to take, and it's such a simple, simple, simple action. Tell that person, that first person that came to your mind when I asked you to think of them. Tell them how you feel. Tell them you love them. Tell them the reasons why you are so grateful. And then just see what happens from there. I hope you enjoyed this episode here. I hope that it really helps boost the area of your family as well as your friendships by letting them know just how important they are, but also by realizing that there's only this moment right now and to live now. Don't put off for another day because not a single day is guaranteed. So if you enjoy this podcast, please hit that subscribe button, give it a thumbs up, share it with five people whom you feel would benefit from hearing this message. If you'd like to comment, subscribe, or ask a question, you can do so by visiting my website at www.donnyrouse.com. Again, D-O-N-N-Y-R-A-U-S.com. Thank you guys so, so much for tuning in. I appreciate you being here. And remember, you'll only get one life. Live passionately, live fully, and most of all, live now. God bless you guys, and I will see you again soon.