The Confidence Key: How to Regain Confidence and Advance Your Dreams

What if confidence wasn’t something you were born with, but something you could build anytime you wanted? In this episode I'll unpacks the three foundational levers that create true confidence: deservingness, dreams, and decisiveness. We'll explore how failing to integrate your wins, staying stuck in old patterns, or avoiding bold action can quietly erode your self-belief, even if everything looks “successful” from the outside. The key takeaway you'll learn is that confidence is less about perfection and more about showing up with intention and courage.

You’ll learn:

• Why acknowledging your progress is critical to lasting confidence
• How to stay connected to a compelling future vision—even during setbacks
• Why big results start with small, consistent action (not just motivation)

By the end, you’ll be able to identify which of the three keys you're missing, and how to reconnect with the confidence that already lives within you.

Reflection questions:

• Where am I discounting the progress I’ve already made?
• What dream have I stopped chasing that still lights me up?
• What’s one courageous action I can take this week to move forward?

To subscribe, comment or ask a question, visit www.donnyraus.com.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want and what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all the noise connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to live away the copper job and I hated. But I broke through the social noise and took too much happy. As a result, I own my own coffee company. I'm just supposed to come in, and I get this profitable. You too can live a life that you want. But it starts within clear about what you want. It starts within this. I'm your host, Donnie Rose. You're listening to the podcast. One life. Today we're going to talk about confidence. Confidence is the key to you and all of your dreams. And there are three keys of confidence deservingness, decisiveness, and let me get to that third one that I wrote down. And um and dreams. So we're gonna I'll go into each of those and I'll kind of um I'll share with you just how each one of these levers is standing between you and the dreams you have. And by explaining this to you, I'll pull examples from my own life because this is actually one of the areas where I felt like I had struggled the most. But when it was when people were on the outside looking at me, they thought, you know, man, this kid is this guy is super confident. Man, he has everything going for him. He's doing X, Y, and Z. But in the inside, I wasn't feeling it. And I and I felt it at different points in my life, right? At different moments. And often on and off throughout the week. And it was because of these three keys that I'm about to explain to you right here. Because at any moment, when you disconnect from one of these keys, then you disconnect from your confidence. But when you were connected to all three, man, you are a force to be reckoned with. So let's talk about number one. Well, actually, let me explain all three of them to you right now. I'll tell you about them and then I'll go into each single one of those. So the first is deservingness. If you don't have a perception for your life, then you are gonna fall into the perceptions of others or your former self. Secondly, is dreams. Like, what are your dreams? Like, what are the big things that are gonna excite you and move forward? Because if you don't have dreams moving you forward, if you don't have something exciting pulling you, then you're just gonna dwell on like all the troubles that are in your day. And guess what? Life has it has an endless well of troubles if that's where you want to put your focus. And the last one is decisiveness. You have to take decisive action because with action, you get momentum and momentum with enough action, you will get the confidence to go towards whatever it is that you want to take. So let me tell you about my own life. So this way you can see yourself in my own experiences and you can kind of see where I was stumbling and correct your own actions going forward. So this way you don't experience it any longer. And I want to kind of throw this caveat in. If for some reason that you are experiencing a lack of confidence, just have the awareness, then notice what it is, and then ask which one of these three keys is it, and then work on improving that area. So let's talk about the first one. The first one is deservingness. Why is it that some people just are confident and other people lack it, even when they have every reason to be confident? The reason is that they don't integrate their successes. And I'd heard this from many coaches uh that I'd had in the past. You have to integrate your successes. And I was like, I'm just gonna keep on going. I'm just gonna keep on charging forward towards the desires I have. I'm gonna divide and I'm just not divide, I'm just gonna conquer. So as a result, I would keep conquering these goals that I had, these ambitions. But when I would get there, I would feel empty because I wasn't allowing myself to integrate it. And what was happening was that my confidence was actually very hurt, right? I'm going through all these things, and all these things I should be extremely proud of. But then I was just focusing on what the negatives were. And here's the thing we we we hold off on confidence because we think we have to experience the end goal in order to one day obtain that confidence. When the truth is, confidence is in motion, right? Confidence is just taking that next step, being confident that you are going to be able to figure it out. To give you an example of this, I'll give you an example with the most recent creation of my espresso blend. So, my espresso blend, I had been wanting to do an espresso blend of my own for literally since I started my coffee career. And in doing that, I like it's not just to say, oh, I want to create an espresso blend. Let me roast some coffee and use it as espresso, right? Because anyone could roast coffee, meaning anyone could take coffee, take it from green, turn it brown, and call it coffee. That doesn't mean it's gonna taste good. So I had spent nearly the last like 20 plus years of my life just focusing on espresso. And as you can imagine, spending 25 years, almost a quarter of a century, on a particular focus, you're gonna learn some things. And so I I had I was literally spent all that time focusing on that. But when people asked me, I would often feel like uh worried about what they would think about it. And I and I would have a hard time. If I was coaching somebody on espresso, I'd have a hard time speaking with confidence. I mean, I I people probably saw that, but in my own mind, I felt shaky at times. Why is that? So I I was looking at, I was just reviewing all of my of my uh like kind of going back over the history I had with coffee. And what I realized was that I was not integrated to my wins, meaning I was not giving myself credit for all the successes I've had, all the determination. And it's been even in the mo in the last, I mean, year, let alone like the last like five years, I've had seen a tremendous growth where I had thought that growth was once stalled and that I knew everything. But what I realized was that the more I sought knowledge, the deeper I had I was going and the more there was to learn. So it was an ongoing process. But when I looked back at the days where like I couldn't figure out, I was pulling espresso shots and like shot was spraying all over the place, and I couldn't figure out for the life meaning what was going on and how frustrated I was with the most simple, the most simple like uh concept of pulling a shot and where I am now. Like I I I just never integrate again. And you may say, like, well, what the hell does espresso have to do with me, right? I Donnie, I'm not even into espresso. I drink tea. What does it have to do with me? But let's go back even further. Let's go back to your childhood, let's go back to middle school or high school, right? Some of the hardest times of your life, at least they were for me. When I was in high school, in middle school, shit, even in elementary school, I used to get bullied. People always used to pick fights with me. And I think it was because I was just very soft-hearted and kind. And as a result, people just went to me. There was a time where I would definitely be want the like one to fight, especially in elementary school, because I was taking, I remember taking I was taking a Korean martial art forum. So I just wanted to practice. So if someone would start a fight with me, I was ready to dive in there, but there was no punching or anything else, just kind of putting into submission. Um, but it it seemed to be like this theme that like people always would pick on me, right? And I remember going to school, I mean, on the on the bus, for example, and someone saying they wanted to beat me up and being terrified, terrified of being on the bus and then having to walk home because I was afraid I was gonna get beat up. But nevertheless, I you know, I I got on that bus, I took it home from school, and then I walked home. There were times where people tried pignifying me. Either sometimes I ran, other times just nothing materialized. So when I when I look back on, you know, to give you just a different example, when I look back on those experiences that I had, I mean, man, that was scary, right? Like, but I got through it. And so looking at that, I mean, like, then looking at like a bad shot of coffee or whatever it is you're facing, it almost seems like nothing because you've overcome so much. So to feel confident, you have to integrate your wins. Now, if you think of something you're having a struggle with, think of some of the things, how you would advance and where you started off from. Has there been progress? Which leads me into uh let's go into number two now. Now we're gonna talk about dreams. What are your dreams? If you're not being led by a vision of future, you're being led by one of the past. Only one of them is gonna make you feel more confident, feel more excited, and more vital towards life. Going back to the espresso example, I might as well just keep it on the theme of espresso because it makes sense for me and I want to keep it and make it easy for you. So going back to the theme of espresso, so I had had this dream about making a great espresso blend for literally my entire professional coffee career. And I would make attempts of my own, and I would never, you know, they wouldn't come out right or wasn't what I wanted, and then I would get just really, really down on myself, right? And and then I wasn't, I was just thinking, I was stuck in what was. I was stuck thinking like, man, it's never gonna change, right? So my my my um my vision for the future was very fixed on the present moment. It was not looking towards something bigger as to what could be. But here's the thing that happened, and um it's kind of goes into action, but then I decided that I was gonna make this happen. I was gonna make an authentic Italian espresso that was fresh and made amazing shots, an amazing crema, and I was gonna make all the world happy. But I'm joking, but I'm I'm half serious. Like I thought about this, and and and I just, if anything, I I dreamt of like the dream of just sipping and enjoying my own espresso, right? The one that I roasted, and just having so much pleasure from that, and as a result of that, it it pushed me forward to just keep on going. And um, whereas if I if I wanted to stay, say a few years ago, where I was making espresso and I just wasn't happy with it, if I wanted to stay in that space, I would not have taken the steps that I had taken. And let's think about your own life. Like, where is it that what are you being led by? Maybe it's your your physical health. Like, what is it, the vision that is driving you? And is it one where you're that is compelling enough that it excites you that when you think about it makes you want to take action? Or is it pretty much just stagnant, or maybe not even stagnant? Maybe you have a negative self-image or future that you're looking at, and as a result, it's pulling you backwards. Be aware of it. So this way you could actually change it by asking yourself a different question. Well, what is it that I want? If I could wish for anything in life, what would I wish for for the area of my business, my health, my finances? And the the idea of asking what you would wish for, because it just it gives you beyond like the suspend your disbelief that's what is something else is possible. And as a result of that, then you could start to excite it, get excited, and think of something that's beyond what your present day is. And then let's go, let's go to the last uh last part, decisiveness. This is probably where um I had felt the the most momentum was being decisive. Like going back to what I'd said, when I was feeling really shitty about that espresso, it's because I wasn't taking big action, I was taking small action steps, and you know, I'd get a bean, I'd try roasting it slightly different, but then I wouldn't do a whole lot, right? I would taste it, I'm like, oh, it's not working. And there wasn't a big vision for it until one day I decided. One day I decided I was gonna contact the number one espresso consultant in the world, and I was gonna do it in that within that year. It was like last year, I gave myself one year to have that espresso done. So I did everything I could. I called, you know, like I was asking Chad GPT who were the top ones. I spoke to all my friends in Italy, and I was doing the research, and then I got connected with a person and I said, All right, listen, I want to get on your calendar. And they're like, all right, well, there's no availability in the calendar. He's traveling around the world for you know the entire year. There's no availability. He's like, I won't take that as a no. I I need to get on his calendar. There has got to be a time. I'm flexible, I'm willing to wait however long it takes as long. It is done by April 2025. And they said, okay, all right, well, there might be some time in uh, you know, later in December, and then December got pushed forward. I mean, pushed back, and then it got pushed back again, and then it got pushed back again. And then I was like, you know, what the frig, man? I'm like, give me a time. It was Italian, uh, I'm Italian, so I'm allowed to say this. Uh, but working with working with different cultures, like especially in a different country, is very, very challenging. Uh, because yeah, Italians, they don't I feel like a lot of Italians don't really like to commit to hard schedules. And um so I I finally got him to commit to to being in Italy because he had to, because he had to go renew his passport and it was gonna take three weeks. So there was no, he hadn't he didn't have a choice, he was gonna be stuck in Italy. So I went there, I did the training, and then I came back. Right? And just to give you kind of in terms of action, like that was a that was a big action, right? And it was a big expense, right? So you all sometimes you gotta put your money where your mouth is because your money is simply energy, and it's energy that by putting in a direction, you're putting it in motion. You're saying, this is important to me, this is the direction I'm gonna move. So I went there, I came back, and all of a sudden I, you know, I I tasted the espresso that I made while I was in Italy, and I was like, all right, now I gotta freaking replicate it while I'm here. Like, how do I do that? Right, it's a different roasting environment. I need help. And I I contacted this consultant. I'm like, I need a call, you know, so this way we can do a virtual session, no availability. I'm like, how do you like train someone and then literally just drop them in and say, hey, okay, figure it out, right? It's not how I would want to do it, and that's how I felt. Maybe it's he was just he had all the obligations, but if I didn't have the time, then I wouldn't have taken someone out in the first place. Or if I did, I would make sure I would follow through. So now I'm here and I I want to figure it out. And now I'm I've got to think of I've got to come up with ways of doing it. Otherwise, I'm just gonna kind of flounder. So I joined a new roasting uh collective where I could roast on the type of equipment I needed in order to do espresso. And then what was the next big decision I had to make, right? I was gonna you go to that place anyways because I needed to do productions for my markets. So, what was the next step for me? Well, the next step was like buying inventory, right? I needed, I needed to get new inventory because I only had uh a certain amount of coffees left that I was gonna play with this uh for the espresso blend. And if I was really gonna commit to it, I needed to to like to pony up and and buy a lot more a lot more coffee. Otherwise, just in the experimentation, I was gonna, you know, I'd have a couple roasts and then that would be it. But in order to to commit to that, it was gonna require a lot more money, right? Because I had to buy, I had to buy a a lot more coffee at a time when the coffee price was at its peak. But I said, you know what? Well, whatever it is, it is what it is. I know what my result is, and even if I have to throw out every freaking pound I roast, I am going to come up with that espresso. So I bought the coffee and I came here, you know, I roasted it the first time. And uh, the first time I did uh roast, I just was just playing with a single origin. And it didn't come out as planned. I wasn't ready, it was new equipment, right? Again, all these things are all new actions I had to take. If you're if you're following, I'm in a new roasting facility. If you know anything about coffee roasting, a new machine is like walking for the first time, right? Because if it's like uh in driving an automatic car, and then someone's saying, here, drive stick. And you're like, what stick? What do you mean? I only know this one lever that I pulled down and up. Now I have to move it in different directions. Essentially, it is that. And so I had to learn a new roasting machine for like the fifth time in my coffee roasting career. And I'm like, damn. But I kept moving forward. I kept challenging myself to grow. I had the dream of making that Italian espresso, and I just kept taking the action as a result of taking that action. And again, I wasn't always confident in the action that I was taking, but I knew that I was I was smart enough and that I can ask for help. So I had this. I'm sorry I'm going extra long on this um, on the action part, because I think it's actually probably one of the most important aspects of the three keys, because when you take enough action, you build the confidence. So back to the coffee. So I was roasting, roasting, roasting, and as I was getting more roast under my belt, I started to get more confident. And not only that, I had contacted another consultant I'd worked with because I know I had access to him as hey, just after every roasting session, I would sit with him and I would review the roast and make a plan on how to achieve the optimal time in the three different phases of the roasting process so I could get more flavor, right? And things came really good. And I was always aiming, I wasn't happy with what it was. Then it got kind of circled all the way back around to the awareness part, right? I wasn't integrating my wins. And I was like, but I gave it to a bunch of people. I pulled the shots, I like the shots, and so it literally was it came full circle. But the long story short, I'm still taking the action, right? I'm I'm about to change the espresso blend slightly because I'm trying to achieve a certain profile. But the only difference between now and even like a couple weeks ago, because last week had an amazing week, and it was because every single one of these keys that I mentioned here was in place. And as a result of it being in place, it brought peace to me, it brought confidence and faith that where I was going was the right direction, that I would get there. Rewind before that, and then I just felt like I was just kind of like I wasn't, there was no certainty, and as a result, I'm not having certainty. How do you move forward when there's no certainty? You don't. You if you do, it's small steps and you're impairing your growth, right? You take the small steps forward, small steps forward, and then you see these other people like bolting past you, and you're like, what's going on? They don't even have the skills I have. But when you have the confidence, when you've decided that you were deserving of it, when you are connecting to your dreams, and when you are taking decisive action, you are unstoppable. So and it's it's not ending. So I'm still on this journey. And to to kind of close it up, even um with like the cold Roman espresso. If you guys know me from my coffee career, then you know that I create uh a bottle espresso. That's in a different journey, and I'm not gonna go too much into that, but for the first time in nearly all of my career, I was able this past week, I was looking out and I was seeing a grand vision for my life. And and this is the stuff like that I like I proud myself on and constantly speaking of because it would come in like you know, in in spurts of inspiration. And I wanted you to know that that's okay. And that it it is a challenge to always, you have to stay focused. You always have to keep where you want to go in mind, right? It's a challenge for me, and and this is the area that I'm always putting focus in, right? I'm always I'm on here sharing my my lessons with you, and it but in no way, shape, or form does it mean that it's always that I'm not struggling, or they don't have challenges. The difference is, and not to say the difference between me and you, but the difference in the mindset is that I just keep I get up and I keep on going. So that is what I want you guys to. So let's go back to those three keys, and I'll explain them once more so this way we make sure like that you I want to make sure that you you have an understanding of these three keys and how to move those levers in your in your own life. Because everything you want again depends on these three. So the first one is deservingness. Like, do you are you integrating the the wins that you have? If you're not integrating your wins, then you're focusing probably on the opposite, your losses. And you're focusing on an image of yourself that's no longer serving you. By focusing on the wins, by seeing the steps we have for we have taken and how they're moving us forward, we get confidence. Number two, their dreams. Like what are you being pulled by? You're either being pulled forward or you're being pulled backwards. If you think you're staying stagnant in the center, you're incorrect. Because if you're not growing, then you are dying, right? Anything grows or dies. And I don't want to use, I mean, dying is a pretty strong word, and I don't want to use that. But if if that's what it's going to take to give you the emotional intensity, say, hey, you know what? I got to start thinking about what I really want versus like the thing I don't want. Like, what is it that you want? And just for a second, like just ask us. Like, how does it feel when you get excited about something and you are being pulled by a vision of something bigger? How do you feel? I already know how you feel. You feel ecstatic. You get excited.

unknown 23:12

Right?

SPEAKER_00 23:12

That's why it's so important to have like milestones to work towards, not just the big vision at the end. Because the milestones help you to celebrate and keep the momentum. It's one of the reasons why I travel all the time. Right. I do it so this way it gets me out. So this way I don't put off living life for a different time. But also, it is one of my desires to live and travel all around the world and to have the freedom to travel whenever I want. But I am not going to put it off. And by having these small wins, not only does it keep me plugged into that dream, but it also just keeps me excited to move forward with all the endeavors I have in life. And then lastly, decisiveness. Like what kind of action are you taking? Are you taking big action, small action? And I'm not going to, I'm not going to try to say what action is good or bad, because at different points in my life, big action was what was needed. Sometimes small action was what got me there, right? Small action just to take the step, right? To start this podcast, for example. Small steps could also lead to massive progress. So I'm not, I don't want to start to try to judge and say, oh, you know, how big of an action you have to take, because then that could be overwhelming, right? Because then you're constantly judging yourself on the action you took, thinking, like, well, was this big? Was this big? I mean, when I say you, I mean me. This is what I did. I would like to judge myself and I'd be like, well, was that big enough? And I would, it was just like this loop. And then I started spinning out in my brain again, right? And it's exhausting. So exhausting. So big or small, just take an action. That's let's let's let's bring it down and make it concise. And just say, just take an action in the direction of where you want to end up. And just keep taking small actions. Because actions that you keep taking, what you're really doing is you're just stepping into courage. Confidence, all this stuff is really stepping into your courage. Courage to dream bigger, courage to realize your gains and that you're growing, courage to put yourself in new and unfamiliar situations to keep moving forward. So uh with uh decisiveness actions, action alone will give you the confidence. So I hope this helps you in some way. If you were feeling, you know, like that you were confident before, but it it all seems lost, just look at the three here. Tell me, like, well, which one are you not counting your wins or you're counting your losses instead, or the things that are not going right? Are you focusing on your current situation rather than where you want to go? And that's making you feel bad? Or uh are you doing the same thing over and over and over and over and expecting a different result versus taking some bigger action, feeling a little bit uncomfortable, knowing that you you've overcome many big things, big things that were far greater than what you were you're afraid of now in the past, and then moving forward, like what is it, which one of these levers do you need to tweak? Do you need to sometimes it's gonna be more than one, but which one of these levers do you need to kind of like twist so this way it opens up that door and and you can feel the confidence that is in you? It is in you, I promise you, it is in you because every single one of you listening to this has a win, has wins, has taken massive action, and has had a bigger vision for your life. So remember that and remember that life is whatever you make of it. I hope it's one that you enjoy, one that you're passionate about, one that makes a difference. Because in the end, as I always end each podcast with saying, you only get one life. So before I go into that, if you like this, please share this with somebody whom you feel like a benefit from. Hit that subscribe button. If you have any questions or comments, you could send them to me via my website at donnierouse.com, d o N N Y R A U S dot com. Okay, that is it. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. Remember, you only get one life. Live fully, live passionately, and most of all, live now. God bless you guys, and I will see you again soon.